The way it used to be

     I peek around the door to see if the coast is clear. A visiting hospital chaplain never knows what she'll find inside a patient's room. “Hello, may I come in?”

     “Sure.” A young woman, wearing a loose kimono, stretches out on top of the blanket. “Wanna see?”  She eases herself off the high institutional bed and leans over a bassinet. I look inside and see a tiny creature, bundled head-to-toe in a light flannel blanket.

     “Oh, you must be so proud.”

     The new mother nods her head. “Next, we're going to get a house.” She glances toward the end of her bed where a slight young man hangs back. He's leaving the talking to her.
     “And, if that works out, we're going to get married!”  (Yes, this is a true story!)

                                                            

     Times are always changing.  It's the nature of what we call life.  But an individual sets her measuring tape down at some point, usually when she leaves home to make her mark in the world - a time forevermore known as "the way it used to be"!  From that time forward, she can tell anyone where and how to hitch a horse.

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     Some of us set a tape down in the '60s. Bob Dylan's “The times they are a-changin" set the tone for a generation of people challenging the old ways. Pete Seeger's “Turn! turn! turn!”, sung by The Birds, hit the international scene in 1965, spreading a similar message to a wider audience. Both songs, based on lyrics influenced by the Book of Ecclesiastes in the Hebrew Bible, now represent the post-War II derailing of strict society norms about place - of family structure, of work, and of rights, civil and human.
     
     We take very little for granted any more.  The breaking down of society's rules has afforded freedoms, both to succeed as well as to fail,which many could not have foreseen. The orderly sequence of life events can no longer be assumed.   Still, nostalgia for old virtues grabs us when we observe some activity which seems out-of-sync or strange.  We seek a reminder that not all our benchmarks have vanished.

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     The Church of England wouldn't disappoint me.  When I tuned into the Royal Wedding on April 29th, I knew I could depend on viewing the ages-old ceremonial ritual of the Church.  My effort to rise early would be rewarded with wonderful music, dazzling pageantry and a sense of historic continuity with all the Saints, known and unknown.

     I'd read that Catherine aka Kate would not have to obey William.  That's as it should be: a woman isn't chattel, after all.  Since I set my measuring tape down, my consciousness has been raised.  I've suffered and benefited from the changing times.  I'll allow the Church to change things that affect human rights.  But don't touch the grandeur of worship services.  Leave those magnificent historic dramas alone.

     During the wedding telecast, I followed my downloaded copy of the service.  At the beginning, traditionalists had no cause for worry.  The celebrants, decked out in richly-colored heavy robes, paraded up the 300 foot aisle, accompanied by pipe organ flourishes. The marriage vows – except for the removal of “obey” – were “old church”.  The archbishop kept the ancient words when he addressed the congregation:

  FORASMUCH as William and Catherine have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth either to other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a ring, and by joining of hands; I pronounce that they be man and wife together, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

     Man and wife! What?  I'm not comfortable with this language.  Did I somehow think William and Catherine would update their vows?  Haven't they shared a house for years?  Should Catherine not wed as a person rather than an “heir producer"? Keep the beautiful music and pageantry of a high Anglican service, but allow people to be "persons", not functionaries in "roles".  Obviously, I've been affected by the changing times.
                                              
      Then it was time for the Address by The Right Reverend and Right Honourable Dr Richard Chartres KCVO, Lord Bishop of London and Dean of Her Majesty's Chapels Royal.  With a title like that, I'd bet he's a traditionalist, I thought.  But Dr. Richard turned out to be a modern man.  He seems to have listened to Bob Dylan or The Birds. 

     He started out with gusto:  "Be who God meant you to be - and you'll set the world on fire!"  Interesting: how do you do that if you're just chattel?  Dr. Richard continued:  "In marriage, the husband and wife... So he "gets" it.  I'd like to chat with this fellow.  As he concluded the Address, he repeated this phrase several times: "We will transform - if we don't try to reform."  Hmm, full of nuances.  A bit of projection on his part, perhaps?  Something going on behind the scenes at the Abbey or in his personal life?  I know, I know: he meant it to be about accepting each other and the inevitable changes that happen in marriage.

     Maybe he was suggesting that the words, "the way it used to be" should be left at the hitching post and not carted around as standard bearers.

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     After the conclusion of a wedding where I'd helped out as organist, my minister friend and I were talking .  "I don't mind the rehearsals," he said, "though people certainly don't dress like they used to."

     "I know what you mean," I said.  "Would you ever have worn a T-shirt to church to practice the ceremony for your big day?"

     He chuckled.  "But," he said, "at least they're covered up.  What really gets me is the wedding.  The girls wear these off-the-shoulder dresses - and all I can see is their tattoos!"

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    It's that time of year.  Remember how I wrote about being retired - and writing essays instead of preparing choir rehearsals?  I will continue to upload essays, but not every Thursday.  It's summer in FL and time to move north to the cottage on Lake Erie.  I hope you've enjoyed my essays.  Send me a message on Facebook.

   Take good care of yourself. 

   Donna